Guacamole

The Reynolds women have long shared a secret family recipe I'm now ready to reveal to the world: the most excellent and often-requested guacamole. This is a very simple technique using widely available ingredients. Though avocados are certainly a seasonal luxury in many parts of north America, I've had luck with those I bought at Sam's Club. Now let's get down to it.

the music and shoes

Ladies & Gentlemen: The Best of George Michael [Disc 2] and knee-high brown leather boots

the damages

paring knife
cutting board
fork
mixing bowl
serving bowl

the ingredients

4 ripe avocados
garlic powder
salt
tortilla chips

the preparation

Use your paring knife to slice an avocado in half longitudinally.

Twist apart the two halves. The large pit will remain attached to one half. Holding the attached half in your palm, carefully whack your paring knife into the pit. 

Gently twist your knife and the pit will release. Discard it. Or, if you grew up in my family's household, stab a couple toothpicks into the pit to suspend it in a glass of water, where the root end is submerged. It'll grow. Into a plant. But not produce any fruits. Back to the recipe.


Hold the avocado half in the palm of your non-dominant hand and use your paring knife to score the flesh down to the skin into even-sized cubes. Don't slice into the avocado skin or, for that matter, your own skin. Be gentle. No accidents.

Slide the tines of your fork between the avocado flesh and the skin, releasing the cubes into your mixing bowl. Repeat this process for the other half of that avocado and each of the other avocados.

Once you have all the avocado cubes in your mixing bowl, use the back of your fork to mash the cubes into a smooth texture. Add a dash each of garlic powder and salt. Since you're likely enjoying the guacamole with tortilla chips, which bring their own flavor to the situation, taste-test the mixture on a chip. Adjust the seasonings accordingly. Transfer the guacamole to your serving bowl.

SERVES 6-10 as an appetizer, nicely paired with BROILED HORNED FROG 

tips and techniques

An avocado is ripe when the skin feels firm, but not hard, much like a banana. It should have no noticeable mushy spots or air pockets beneath the skin. When you cut it open, it will have a vibrant greenish-yellow color and no bruises. 

Avocados have little nubs where the fruit was once attached to the tree. While slicing the avocado in half, remove this nub -- and any associated stringy bits inside -- with the tip of your paring knife.

Try adding a couple teaspoons of your favorite salsa to the avocado mixture. Play with different spices. This is a very versatile starting point for countless customizations.